And so we move on

After 3.5 years of nursing, my son weaned over the holidays. He's been slowly going that way for a while, only nursing once every couple of days for the past few months. Then at some point after the craziness of the holidays, I realized that it had been three weeks since he had nursed.

I had thought I would feel more muddled about things. I know so many women who were happy but sad and kinda confused about being happy and sad when they were finished nursing their last. But while I feel a slight bit of melancholy about it, on the whole I'm pretty good with it. It's been 6 years since the last time my body was my own, no baby inside or outside dependent upon it. I always enjoy going into the next stage of things, and I'm looking forward to seeing where we go now.

He's asked a couple of times since then, but it's half-hearted at best, and when I say no he's easily distracted. I didn't have the chance to really analyze things when I weaned Liz; it happened quickly with her because I was so tired and so pregnant, and I just couldn't anymore. But with Connor, I've been able to savor each step in the journey and to know that we made the journey together, rather than the needs or wants of one dominating the other. I'm happy with the way it ended.

In the home stretch!

This summer has been the craziest that my family has been through. Four weddings, a trip to the beach, a birthday, two trips to Atlanta, a trip overseas, family and friends visiting us, starting home-schooling, damage from storms, starting two new jobs (luckily one is temporary)...it's just been wild. We're in the last two weeks of it - my daughter is in Maryland this week with her grandparents, and next week my husband and son will go up there to visit and pick her up, and then the kids will go to the beach with my parents while my husband and I are at a conference in Atlanta. Labor Day, we'll all come back home, and we'll be able to breathe a sigh of relief until the holiday season. Even for me, the amount that we've been doing has been too much.

Through all of this, my son has kept nursing. Even when we've been separated for three or four days, whenever we've come back together, he's eventually asked to nurse again. Some days he may nurse as many as four times; other days not at all. We're definitely in the last parts of our nursing days.

Even knowing this, I'm not totally prepared for the idea that he may wean completely next week. We'll be separated for seven nights and eight days while he's in Maryland and down in Gulf Shores - by far the longest period of time we've been separated. By the end of it, I don't know that he'll be thinking about nursing at all. I don't know that I want him to be thinking about nursing by that time either. But whenever I think that this Sunday/Monday might be the last time he nurses, I get a sad little ache around my heart.

Don't get me wrong - we've been nursing just over three years now, so it's not like he'll be weaning early. I have plenty of good nursing memories with both of my kids to look back on. Knowing, however, that he is my last, that this is the last child I'll ever nurse...it makes me a little melancholy, something I have never expected to feel when it came down to it.

Ah well. Life will be full of such lettings go. Right now, my daughter is in Maryland with her grandparents, and I won't see her for two weeks - much, much longer than I've ever gone with not seeing her. It's probably the combination of this next step along the path of my daughter's independence combined with the possibility of my son weaning that is making me feel sadder about this than I thought I would. And I know that when it's all said and done, I won't really give it another thought; it'll just be another parenting milestone hit, so to speak.

But for right now, I'm just a little sad about it all.

Cue the music!

The past couple of weeks have been hectic for my family. We had a family vacation in Nashville with my husband's parents, his brother, and his brother's family. Four kids 4 years old and under, with another on the way! That family is expanding rapidly. We got back on Monday, then I had to turn around immediately on Wednesday and leave for Savannah to be Matron of Honor at a friend's wedding.

That means I was gone for 5 days. By myself.

I haven't been anywhere by myself for five days in over 4.5 years. I'm sure all of you know just how much of a luxury it was to be able to travel in a car by myself, to stay in a hotel by myself, to eat by myself, to sleep by myself, to do all the necessary MoH functions by myself, to hang out with friends by myself.

I almost didn't know what to do with myself!

As nice as it was, though, there was a little bit of nervousness tucked into the back of my mind. My daughter has always been an independent little thing, so I had no qualms about her. My son, at just over 2.5 years old, is a somewhat different story. He's still pretty independent; he's not a clingy child. However, he's also still nursing.

So this trip was a jaunt into the unknown. I've been away from him for 2 nights before, but I've never been away from him for 4 nights. I don't own a breast pump and knew I would have no real time to pump while I was gone anyway, nor any real way to store any pumped breast milk. I had no idea if he would fully wean himself while I was gone, or if he'd go back to nursing when I got back. He's been fine on the couple of trips I've taken previously, but this was double the amount of time, and I had no real way of knowing how he'd hold up emotionally.

Despite these worries ruminating in the back of my head, I decided to take the perspective of "what will be, will be." After all, we're rapidly approaching 3 years of nursing. It's not like he's been deprived of my milk. It's not like it'd be an early weaning if he did wean. And it was entirely probable that he'd go back to nursing when I came back, and all would be well.

So I resolved not to think about it while I was gone. I think my son took the same attitude as well. Every time I called and his father asked if he wanted to talk to me, he'd laugh and say no. Apparently the first night I was gone, he asked for me and said he wanted to nurse, but he wasn't upset when Daddy told him that I was gone and he couldn't nurse. He was very happy while I was gone and didn't throw any tantrums or get upset. He went to sleep easily, woke up easily, and was just the happy-go-lucky little guy that I've come to know and love.

I got back early evening on Sunday and was exhausted. Late nights, early mornings, and an 8 hour drive were not sitting well with me. My son ran up to me and hugged me and started talking my ear off about everything he could think of, but he didn't ask to nurse. We wandered into the backyard so that he and my daughter could show me the greenhouse Daddy had built while I was gone. We played with the soccer balls. We discussed what they had done while I was gone.

An hour passed, and I started thinking, "Well, maybe he really has weaned." Then he asked me to pick him up. I hiked him up and snuggled him, then he looked down with a grin on his face and said, "I want to nurse!"

And so here we are, back where we started. We're nursing like we were previously. He seems quite content with how things are, and my absence seems to have had no ill effects. At one point when we first started nursing again, he incredulously said, "Mommy, all gone!", but he hasn't let that deter him from nursing. My supply seems to be back up to what it was.

And so we continue on in our nursing journey. Now that I know I can leave him and come back, I'm much more settled about extended nursing. I value my physical independence, and it's been a struggle off and on to keep nursing for long periods of time. Now, however, I'm pretty content with how things are, with the fact that it's our special bonding time but it's not something that he absolutely has to have. I don't feel the need to push weaning, like I did before (with frustrating results). I'm content to let him have more of a say in when this part of our lives is over.

Life is good.

Life is full of "weanings"

We had a terrific group of moms at A Nurturing Moment today for our Mommy Milk Meet-up. One mom was a little concerned because her one year old seemed to be loosing interest in day time nursings. This mom really hoped to nurse for a couple of years before allowing her baby to self-wean. Of course, bedtime nursings are a different story! Baby is still eager for that before bed cuddle time with Mom!
Usually a baby won't self-wean this early as long as Mom is still offering nursing opportunities. But every baby is different! One mom in the group explained how her very strong-willed little girl just decided she didn't want to have anything to do with nursing right around her first birthday. Mom kept trying, but baby wanted no part of it! This was more than just a nursing strike...it was an emerging toddler eager to get on with the next stage of life, much to her mom's dismay!

If we can view the weaning process as a continuum that begins with breastfeeding and lasts for the next 18 years or so, it might help lend perspective. Weaning, in this paradigm, doesn't simply refer to the separation of the baby from the breast. That is merely the first weaning. Other weanings will occur throughout childhood. Parents who co-sleep will eventually wean their child from their bed. Those who send their children to school will wean their children from the nest that is home. As children grow and become involved in scouts, sports, music lessons, ballet, horseback riding, church youth group and a myriad of other activities, the weaning process will continue.
Weaning, in its simplest form, is simply the process of your child becoming less dependent upon you. As moms, our most important job is to raise our children to become self-sufficient, confident, well-balanced adults. I suspect that most readers of this blog would agree that attachment parenting is the best way to accomplish this goal. After all, research clearly demonstrates that children who are attachment-parented demonstrate greater independence and self-assured confidence as they grow older. They also tend to be more responsive to their parents' correction and discipline.

Last night at 11:30 I had the bittersweet privilege of taking my 17 year old son to school where he and his classmates boarded a bus headed for Jacksonville, Florida, and their senior trip - a cruise to the Bahamas. As I write this, I know the ship has sailed. Although he texted me to let me know they were about to board, I know I won't hear from him again until next Saturday. The same tears that sprang to the eyes of the mom who thought her baby might be weaning are hiding just behind my eyelids now. But my son has grown up to be a remarkable young man, the product of attachment parenting. All too soon I'll take him to Tuscaloosa and leave him there...the weaning will continue! Aftre all, that's why I became a mom - to work myself out of a job!