Nestle Picture Upsets My Son!

My oldest son just got home from an amazing conference in Atlanta, Passion 2010. He already felt called to mission work, but came home really pumped about all kinds of opportunities. It's exciting to see God at work in this young man who nursed until his third birthday, slept with us when he was little, spent many hours in a baby sling, and learned about trust from day one as we taught him to trust us.

He was five when our family went to Costa Rica, then Peru to serve as missionaries. During his formative years, he saw me working as a lactation consultant in developing countries. He also heard our dinner table conversation which occasionally consisted of diatribes against Nestle born of my frustration with the damage they were causing to mothers and babies in Andean countries (and around the world).

Fast forward to Passion 2010. The ministries involved did a great job of presenting the work they are doing in developing nations around the world. He was particularly impressed with the work of one organization who has a project designed to support prenatal health and postpartum care and instruction. He even told the representatives that his mom would LOVE to be involved in providing any breastfeeding information they might need! (Then he called me to make sure I was okay with that!)

However, as he looked at the many pictures of precious children suspended from the ceiling at their display, he saw one picture which caused an immediate strong reaction of anger! It was a picture of a smiling tyke holding a carton marked Nestle. His anger wasn't directed at the mission agency at all. He realized they were simply trying to portray the reality of what children experience. But he felt furious at Nestle for compromising the health of so many infants. He was even able to explain to his girlfriend just what it was that made him so angry about the picture.

As he told me this story, my mama heart swelled with pride because he really gets it! He understands that supporting and protecting people in developing countries means helping mothers trust their own ability to provide the very best nutrition for their babies.

Response to Dr. Rosemond

I am an advocate of Attachment parenting, but I am also an advocate of parents using common sense and setting age-appropriate boundaries for their children. I believe the two actually go hand in hand.

The little that I had read of popular author and speaker John Rosemond in the past led me to appreciate his practical common sense approach to parenting. Recently I had lunch with my good friend Lysa Parker, one of the founders of Attachment Parenting International. Dr. Rosemond was planning a visit to Huntsville; therefore, he came up in our conversation. I told Lysa I appreciated his common sense approach (remember, I haven't read a LOT of his stuff...just a little and mostly dealing with older kids). Lysa explained that he is a strong opponent of all things AP. I was quite surprised.

I wasn't able to go hear him speak, though I would have liked to, but I did see an article in the Huntsville Times today that I found to be quite enlightening. Apparently in his address to about 250 people at Huntsville High School he said " 'psychobabble' about fostering a child's self-esteem and being ultra-involved in a child's life has had a disastrous effect on children's behavior." According to the article, he also said "his mother 'never paid much attention to me,' but she set clear ground rules for what she expected from him at an early age."

I read that line and felt sorry for him. Setting ground rules with clear expectations is wonderful. However, as a 61 year old adult his memory is that his mother never paid much attention to him. And now he is advising a generation of parents not to become too attached to or involved in their children's lives.

According to the Times article, "One of the biggest errors parents make, he said, is that they are in relationships with their children rather than being figures of leadership and authority. Because of those relationships, he said parents hunger for popularity and acceptance with their children, something which he said nullifies their ability to lead."

I agree that the roles of parent and friend cannot be one and the same when a child is growing up. However, I consider my grown children dear friends. My son and I talk every day about everything under the sun. I wonder if Rosemond counts his grown children among his closest friends? Attachment parenting does not mean that we seek to be "popular and accepted" by our children. It does mean that we create a relationship with them which fills them with a sense of security and well-being. The relationship begins at birth and continues throughout the child's life. It does not mean that a parent does nothing but cater to her child's every whim.

The problem is that authors like Rosemond equate Attachment Parenting with Permissive parenting or parenting without boundaries. They fail to understand the premises set forth by Dr. William Sears. As both a pediatrician and a father, he has years of experience working with patients, but also a proven track record of raising terrific kids who are making a real contribution to society.

Rosemond believes that his approach to parenting is a Biblically based method. Yet the picture I see of God in the Bible is one of a loving Father who tenderly cares for His own or a shepherd who cares deeply for each sheep. Specific imagery related to breastfeeding and attachment can be seen in Isaiah as God talks about His loving care for His people. I think it's time that Christians begin advocating for strong Biblically based Attachment Parenting. If we truly want to raise a generation of selfless, giving, confident young adults, then we must teach them the most basic lessons of trust from infancy on.

Attachment Parenting Meets the Gridiron

I have two sons and a husband who are all sports fanatics. My 18 year old son played both football and soccer in high school. He isn't playing college sports this year, but may well be back on the soccer field next year! My 11 year old plays football, wrestles, and plays baseball. My husband played football and baseball in high school, too. So it should come as no surprise that Sports Illustrated is a staple in our household.

I picked up the Oct. 12 issue earlier this evening. An article about Florida Gator's quarterback Tim Tebow caught my eye. Though we aren't Gators fans, I think Tebow is one of the classiest young men I've ever seen. Not only is he an amazing athlete, but he also demonstrates true character. His faith has feet that take him to the Philippines to minister to children. His leadership both on the field and off it has made him a legend in his own time. In his "Point After" column, writer Chris Ballard discusses whether Tebow should play in this weekend's game against LSU.

The discussion centers on the safety of Tebow's getting back on the field after his concussion two weeks ago. As a mother of athletic kids, I felt myself responding to this column with a resounding "YES, IT'S ABOUT TIME!" reaction. We want our children to be safe and healthy. Our whole parenting style is built around helping them feel secure. Yet even at the Pop Warner level, it's so easy for both coaches and kids to want a player back in the game too soon. And pity the poor mother who says, "Um, I don't really think he's ready..."

I've been pretty lucky with my kids' coaches, but I do remember my son passing out with a concussion following a nasty hit his junior year. He was back in there way too soon, and stayed in until the coach realized that he just wasn't sharp and wasn't functioning normally. AP mom that I am, I had urged him not to play. But he was determined not to let his team down, and his coach believed him when he said he was good to go!. Fortunately, he didn't take another nasty hit, and was able to recover completely.

But the article I read tonight made me realize that I will be much more proactive with son #2. If my momma instincts tell me he's not ready to get back into a game, I'm gonna listen! Pity the poor coach who tries to cross me! Son #1 used to say I was just too protective. He thought he was invincible (common mindset for teens). I knew he wasn't, but I didn't make too big a fuss when I thought he was hurt. It will be very different with Son #2!

I'm realizing more and more how important the AP principles are to all of parenting, not just when they're little. And I'm all the more thankful that I was blessed enough to learn about this wonderful parenting philosophy!

Say "I Love You" While You Can

One week ago today my friend Dana died suddenly and unexpectedly in her sleep. We still don't know exactly what happened. She was my age, 49. Actually Dana was one month and eleven days younger than me! She was healthy, fit, vibrant, full of energy, and lit up a room when she entered it.

She was also an amazing mom! Her two boys are 14 and 18. Her older son is one of my son's college roommates. Her younger son is in my high school daughter's freshman class; they've been friends since 5th grade. Last semester her son and my daughter both homeschooled. They did their science and math classes together, and I grew even closer to Dana during that time. Their math teacher was a nursing mom who often nursed her baby in the sling during class time. Sometimes it was a little awkward for a 14 year old boy. But Dana told him that he had nursed and how completely natural it was.

It's always hard when kids leave the nest, but Dana did all she could to make it a smooth transition. We all went down to help our boys get moved in (there are 3 roommates who all played HS soccer together). She made frequent Sam's runs so the boys would have plenty of food. After the last shopping trip, her son said "I love You" before he headed back to school. She told him that she loved him, too. That was the last time he saw her.

Dana did a great job of raising two incredible young men of faith who have the resources necessary to make it through this time. We never know how long we'll be given to enjoy and love our kids. Sometimes mothering can be overwhelming. You feel like if you have to change another diaper, wipe another snotty nose or mediate another sibling fight, you'll go stark-raving mad. But when you're right in the middle of that, remember what a gift your kids are. Remember what a gift life is. And pause for a minute; then say "I love you."

PTD – Parent of Teens Depression

Everyone recognizes PPD (post-partum depression) as a very real phenomenon often caused by significant shifts in hormonal balances. I've written before about how important it is for mothers suffering from PPD to get help. Another key factor for those moms is breastfeeding which increases a woman's production of prolactin and oxytocin. In an earlier blog I listed several antidepressents that are considered compatible with breastfeeding. Since I tend to blog about breastfeeding and baby issues, I know that's what my readers have come to expect.

This blog, however, is about a different season of parenting and the very real effect it can have on a mother's emotional well-being. Parenting teenagers can be a real challenge; it can also be an absolute delight. But even strong attachment parenting techniques in infancy and early childhood don't guarantee a smooth ride during the teen years. Although I do believe the secure foundation we give our children through attachment parenting certainly makes the ride a little less bumpy than it might be otherwise. Neither does extended breastfeeding and attachment parenting guarantee that a child will never have any kind of illness. Genetics play a key role in some illnesses, and while breastfeeding absolutely does help our kids be healthier, it is not a magic elixir.

One such illness which we have faced in our family is adolescent bi-polar disorder. We do have a family history of mental illness, and unfortunately one of our children has developed the chemical imbalances which create bi-polar disorder. Fortunately this child is very bright and actually did research herself when she began having symptoms. We have a wonderful Christian psychiatrist as well as a terrific Christian counselor to whom she relates very well. But it is still a struggle. You have to find the right combination of medications, make sure they are in balance, then make sure that nothing else she takes for an unrelated condition (say a brown recluse bite, for instance) interacts with her bi-polar meds.

Add into this mix the fact that Mom is 49 and definitely peri-menopausal, and you have a recipe for PTD. Now I've never seen anything in the literature about PTD, but I think it should be there. Many women who are parenting teens and experiencing menopause are also caring for an aging parent. That will up the stress several notches! These same women are also often at critical points in their careers – they may be in leadership and management positions with all the accompanying headaches. I'm telling you, this is a recipe for disaster! Actually in the literature, there is information on PTD, but it has nothing to do with parents of teens. I really wish some PhD student who needs a good thesis topic would tackle PTD as it relates to parents of teens!

The good news is that help is available. A family doctor or Ob/Gyn will often prescribe something to help a woman cope with the stresses of PTD. Even women who've never had to take an anti-depressant may find that they cry a little less and get a little better perspective once the chemicals in the brain get stabilized. New moms have all kinds of support groups; maybe mothers of teens need their own version of La Leche League. Finding one or two close friends in whom you can confide is crucial for the mom who is overwhelmed by her life. Another option is a professional counselor. If you can find one you click with, it is worth every cent. The goal, of course, is to get you to the point where you don't need help….but in the meantime, don't be afraid or embarrassed to get a little help.

Whether you are in the early days of parenting, still enjoying your baby's precious cuddles, or you are on the roller-coaster ride of parenting teens, one thing is certain: your child will grow up way too fast, and you need to be mentally and emotionally healthy so you can enjoy every moment of every day.

Sling & Swaddle...It's Great for Mom and Baby!

The Sling & Swaddle Journey has begun! 30 moms have been chosen to Tweet about their use of the Miracle Blanket and the Hotsling. This is an amazing way for moms throughout the Twitterverse to learn about the benefits of baby-wearing and the amazing Miracle Blanket.

Why Swaddle?
Newborns are used to being in the womb where movement is somewhat restricted. Swaddling helps them settle and sleep better. When my children were little we used a baby blanket and wrapped it snugly around them to help them sleep. Of course, they managed to work their arms out and would often startle themselves awake. Several companies have produced swaddlers. Some have velcro, but none that I have evaluated comes anywhere near the Miracle Blanket.
A mother/baby nurse from Huntsville Hospital told me about it after her second baby was born. She said I just had to get them in my store. So I called the company to find out more. I thought they sounded a little expensive. Since baby blankets haven't been very good sellers for us, I decided to pass. The company representative called me back and made me an incredible offer if I would just try them. My first order of 12 blankets arrived and sold out within a few weeks. We've just made our third order, and have a hard time keeping up with the demand.
Unlike other swaddlers on the market, the Miracle Blanket has no velcro, snaps, zippers or anything else. It simply uses an ingenious design and baby's own weight to keep baby securely swaddled. Moms love it and so do babies. Any parent who is longing for a good night's sleep would do well to invest in a Miracle Blanket!

Why Sling?
As babywearing has grown in popularity during the last decade, so have the types of slings and carriers. At A Nurturing Moment we carry several pouch slings: the Hotsling, The Peanut Shell, and the Organic Dittany Baby sling. Pouch slings usually hold babies from birth to about 35 pounds. When you purchase a pouch sling, it is best to try it on with baby. Ideally you should look for a store with personnel trained to help you find the right fit and teach you how to wear your baby.
Another kind of popular infant carrier is the Mei Tai infant carrier. Many parents like the versatility of being able to wear baby on the front or back. The Moby wrap allows the same versatility. However, some parents prefer the convenience of a two shoulder sling that you don't have to tie like the Baby K'Tan.
Colicky babies often settle when they are worn or swaddled. One of the greatest advantages of wearing your baby is the easy nursing access. I always encourage mothers to practice nursing in their sling, preferably in front of a mirror, so that they'll be comfortable when they go out and baby gets hungry. I remember nursing babies in grocery stores, in airports, in restaurants, in church, at Little League games...everywhere I went, I had my sling and a my baby's favorite fast food!
If you aren't a Twitterer, this would be a great time to jump on board. Follow us and follow the terrific moms on the Sling & Swaddle Journey.

Parenting Teens Can Be a (wonderful) Challenge

I know most of my readers are still dealing with the issues of pregnancy, breastfeeding, and the amazing preschool years. I remember thinking how great it would be when my kids got older.We would have such great communication, and so much fun together!

Reality Check!
I do have pretty good communication with my adult daughter and also with my 18 year old son. But it wasn't always that way... When Daughter #1 was about 14, the going got really tough. It stayed tough for several years! She was the epitome of the rebellious preacher's kid! I cried when she graduated from her Christian high school mostly because I was so relieved that she hadn't gotten kicked out!
Son #1 has always been pretty compliant, although he does have a temper. During his high school years we often had to remind him to exercise "Godly self-control." He was wonderful to everybody else, but at home that temper could flare! Now that he's heading to college, though, I realize how much I'll miss him. He helps me out in so many ways. I'm sure I won't really know just how much of a help he is until August when he moves to Cullman!

Reality Check 2
Now Daughter #2 has hit the age where Daughter #1 became increasingly difficult. To make matters worse, Daughter #2 has recently been diagnosed with bi-polar syndrome. It is somewhat better now that she's on medication, but she still has highs and lows, and her mood can shift with no provocation at all. I know all teenage girls are hormonal and get moody, but being bi-polar makes it doubly challenging. When she is at a low point, I know she's hurting, but she lashes out at me with such vehemence that it breaks my heart.
I am slowly learning how to manage this awkward dance that we perform each day. When I need to address clothing, behavior or other issues with her, I wait until she's "up." And I have to do small doses. When we have to enforce consequences for behavior, we try to explain it when she's "up." But of course, the punishment (as she perceives it) sends her right back down. So I feel like I'm living on a roller coaster.
The good news is that she has a wonderful Christian psychiatrist, and next week we'll begin seeing a Christian counselor who will hopefully help us navigate this minefield. She once told me that someday we'd write a book together from both of our perspectives about what it's like being a bi-polar teen and being the mother of a bi-polar teen. We'll see.
I am so thankful that we established a strong bond in her early years. Sometimes I wonder how we'd survive if we didn't have that! It's that attachment that brings us back together when she's "up."

Son #2
Another thing I'm thankful for is the space between our kids. Daughter #1 survived the teen years and is helpful both to me and to her sister. Son #2 is just 10, so we don't have any teen stuff yet! Last night was particularly challenging, and Son #2 came downstairs to where I was sitting on the sofa. He saw my tears and just put his arms around me. I wonder if there is a magic potion that will keep him this sweet for the next 8 years??

One Mom's EC Story

We have a guest blogger today, Beth Partain. I hope you enjoy her story about elimination communication.
The first time that I heard about EC was from a pregnant friend who was considering trying it with her child. My response was completely negative, there was shock, disbelief, and I am pretty sure that I said “that will never work”. To my friend, I am very sorry that I was not more supportive; all I can say is that I am working on it.
I did not give EC another thought until I was pregnant several months later with my first child. I scoured the internet for all the information that I could find. Then I did what every good American woman does, I bought a book. After reading it and discussing it with my hubby we decided to give it a try. The concept seemed very easy and very relaxed. I tried to talk about it with my friends and family, but I experienced the same reactions that I gave to my friend. In fact, the almost outrage from others that I would try something other than the traditional disposables until three, led me not to talk about it with anyone until my child was six months old.
So now that my daughter is 18 months old and potty trained. I feel like I can finally talk about EC and share some of the ups and downs of our experience with others. So how did we do it? By trusting our instincts and doing what worked for us at the pace that worked for us.

Let me start at the beginning.
After our daughter was born I completely forgot about EC for the first three weeks or so because it was hard enough to figure out how to work in my shower. Then one morning while laying in bed with hubby and baby, she pooped while sitting up leaned against my legs. While she was pooping I said “go potty.” Not the traditional words used to cue a baby, but it worked for us. The next several mornings the same thing happened and any time that we knew she was pooping we would put her in a sitting position with her diaper on and cue her by saying “go potty.” Daddy note: As she went and even today, we reward her by clapping.
I would say about two or three weeks later she was having bad gas pains and was generally unhappy, so after rubbing her tummy and bicycling her legs and nothing really happening, we put her in a sitting position and cued her. It was the light bulb moment! She looked at us and just started trying to poop--and she did! The excitement level in our house that day was like going to Disney world. We would continue to cue her when we knew that she had to potty, but that is all that we did until she was about six months old.
When she was almost six months and sitting with assistance we started putting her on the little potty when we thought that she needed to poop. I have to say that the first time she pooped in her potty we were ready to rent a billboard and announce it to the world. I don't think that “excited” explains how we felt. We concentrated only on poops thinking that it would be easier for all involved. It seemed like that was all it took and within 2 weeks she was pooping on the potty 9 out of 10 times that she pooped. That is how we continued for the next 7-8 months. Daddy note: I often tell people that no matter what they think about EC, at least my little girl goes poo in the potty and I am not stuck changing a smelly diaper. Occasionally we would catch a pee but it was not something that we worried about. I had in my mind that we would really get serious when she started walking, and for her that happened between 14 and 15 months. After that, when we got serious about it, it was only 2 weeks before she was having almost no accidents. At about 15 months she was pretty much potty trained, and wearing her big girl panties.
As we stand today we have good and bad days. Like any toddler we do have accidents but not so many that I feel like I need to put her in diapers anymore. The exception is that she does still wear a diaper at night - more for my convenience - and she does wake up many mornings dry. We have been very pleased with the relaxed nature of this potty training method, and we do plan on using it on the next. There are a few tricks that we have learned in our journey that may make it easier the next time around.
I found that cloth diapers made it easier for both baby and me to tell when she was wet which helped tremendously. Also, when she has a cloth diaper on I am less lazy. I will get up and take her to the potty and not think, “Oh, she can just go in her diaper.”
I think that our daughter would have done great without diapers earlier if I had not been waiting on my self-imposed time table.

So now I do all the things that I scoffed at before, I am a baby wearing, cloth diapering, EC practicing, granola mommy. That's ok, it works for me.

Baseball Boy Snuggles

Okay, I admit it, I'm fast approaching 50, and my nest is slowly but surely emptying. But we still have one who hasn't entered the foreign territory of Teendom quite yet. At 10 years of age, Child 4 is delightfully preoccupied with baseball, his fourth grade friends, Webelos, and Club Penguin. He can't wait for football sign-ups even though he will probably play as an "older, lighter" player in a younger category. That's simply a nice way of saying that he's just not a very big little guy! But there's a ton of heart tucked away in his little 65 pound frame! He idolizes his big brother who has always given 110% to every sport he's every played and seems to be following in those footsteps!

Nevertheless, when the weather gets bad, or he has a bad dream, or he just feels like a Mommy/Daddy fix, our 10 year old bundle of energy ends up snuggled right up next to us in our king-size bed. (Yes, we took Dr. Sears' advice that the best piece of baby furniture you can buy is a king-size bed! That was one of the smartest things we ever did!)

I've heard lots of moms wonder when they're going to get their kids out of their bed. I have to admit that there have been moments during the last 20 years when I longed to have my bed back to myself (with just my DH to snuggle)! And now we pretty much do have our wish. So that's what makes it so sweet when Child 4 comes in at 5:30 in the morning to get his snuggle fix.

If the truth be told, I think my DH will miss our baseball boy snuggles as much or more than I will when Child 4 decides he is too old for Mommy and Daddy snuggles. In fact, I've noticed that some nights when I work late and DH has gone to bed already, I go upstairs to find Child 4 snuggled right up to his Dad - and I suspect that was Dad's idea ("Why don't you just snuggle here with me a while, Buddy?") What a wonderful blessing to know he is growing up feeling secure and loved day and night. I'm so thankful that Dr. Sears taught us about the family bed. It has been a tremendous source of comfort, blessing and security for all four of our kids.

I guess once Child 4 decides he's too old...(I know that day isn't too far away) we'll have to hold out for Grandchild 1! Since we don't expect grandchildren in the foreseeable future, we'll have to hope and pray that Child 4 needs his baseball boy snuggles just a little longer!

Daniel Is an Adult!

Today Daniel, my 2nd child, turned 18. In the state of Alabama that means that he can now be drafted, go to big boy jail, and go to the mall unescorted (here in Huntsville) on weekend nights. He still can't own property or enter into a contractual agreement of any kind. And he can't drink...which isn't really a big deal because he doesn't really want to (and plenty of kids his age are getting DUI's right and left).

I've thought a lot about Daniel today and have come to the conclusion that all I can really do is thank God for the way he has turned out. Every time I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, he said that he really didn't need anything. He's content with what he has. That's a lesson a lot of adults need to learn! He's getting a new laptop for graduation next month, so we're settling for clothes and shoes (despite his protests that he doesn't need anything) for his birthday presents.

Daniel was our first child to experience the benefits of Attachment Parenting from the time he was born. He nursed almost immediately after the midwife delivered him. He slept with us, we wore him, and he even got to homeschool on year when we were home on furlough! He's been in Christian schools most of his life and has been blessed with terrific friends. But honestly, we've seen the Lord's hand on Daniel since he was very little.

He was only 2 1/2 when he asked me if he could know for sure he was going to Heaven. That morning he prayed asking Jesus to be His Savior, then ran into wake up his big sister to tell her the big news! He was 10 when he committed his life to the Lord's service. He plans to study International Affairs so that he can support himself and serve the Lord abroad.

As we approach graduation, I realize that his story is only just beginning. I can't wait to see how the plot twists and turns. I know there will be amazing ups and downs. But through it all, I have the confidence that He has a secure faith in God that has been shaped throughout his life thanks to the Biblical principles of AP!

Attachment Parenting, Trust and Good Friday

I've done a lot of reflecting today on what Good Friday means. First and foremost is the obvious significance of this day to all who embrace the Christian faith. We remember the suffering and sacrifice of our Savior as he experienced utter separation from God the Father while he hung on the cross.

However, as an attachment parenting advocate, my thoughts today wandered beyond the obvious Good Friday implications. I recalled the first book I ever read by Dr. William Sears, Christian Parenting and Childcare. One of the things that grabbed my attention 20 years ago was his assertion that parents who teach their children to trust by meeting their needs during infancy are laying the foundation for a lifelong trust in their Heavenly Father. My first child was 6 months old, and we had been following parenting advice that led us to leave her in her crib crying when it was bedtime. Don't get me wrong...she had nursed; I would sing to her and pray with her, but then I'd lay her down and the screaming would begin. I was so afraid of spoiling her or letting her manipulate me that I wouldn't pick her back up. So she would cry in the nursery, and on the other side of the wall, I would sob in my bedroom. It was awful! Dr. Sears' words gave me the freedom I needed to trust my instincts and soothe her to sleep. Before long we were co-sleeping, and the rest is history!

As subsequent babies arrived, we practiced the wonderful principles we had learned from Dr. Sears from the time they were born. We met needs and taught them to trust their ability to communicate with us. It is interesting to note that as our first child went through her teenage years, we had serious trust issues. Our second child will be 18 this week, and although he isn't perfect, he's never given us reason not to trust him. Now that our third child - another girl - is in her teens we are seeing the benefits of attachment parenting with her, too.

For a Christian parent, the greatest joy of all is seeing your children follow the Lord. I'm convinced that Dr. Sears is right on target when he says we're laying the foundation for a life of trust in God. My second child can't really remember a time when he didn't trust the Lord. His faith has grown and matured as he has grown, but He has always trusted. Child 3 is strong in her faith, too. It's important to her to please the Lord. Child 4 is only 10, but we see strong evidence of faith in him, too.

If I could change one thing about my parenting, I would give my precious firstborn daughter the same trust advantage that her siblings have. I do believe the verse that says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." We have sought to give all our kids a strong foundation of faith, and I believe that ultimately all our kids will live their lives for the Lord. But daughter 1 missed out on those crucial first 6 months of trust-building, so it may just take a little longer! Nevertheless, the Resurrection which we will celebrate on Sunday fills my heart with hope!

Mom to Mom Support

Why is it so important for new mothers to get support from other mothers? I'd love to hear your opinions on this question, but I'm going to offer several reasons why I think every new mom needs strong peer support.

It Helps the Learning Curve
No doubt about it, becoming a mother definitely entails a pretty significant learning curve. You can take a breastfeeding class, a parenting class, and even an infant health and safety class, but that's no substitute for the on-the-job experience you get once baby is actually here! Being around other mothers who have already been where you are helps in several ways. First, you learn by watching them. You learn what works and what doesn't work. Although every baby is different, you may pick up techniques that will work with your baby. Also, as you develop relationships with other mothers, you build a resource network of people you can go to for advice in various situations. Finally, as your own mothering skills grow, you begin to find that you are able to help other mothers. The sense of well-being you receive from helping someone else may even help you maintain a healthy sense of emotional well-being.

It May Help Alleviate PostPartum Depression
Many women experience a day or two of "Baby Blues," but some women actually enter into a full-blown postpartum depression or PPD. The combination of hormonal changes with new stresses in her life may predispose some women to depression. Participation in a Mom to Mom Support Group may not completely prevent PPD; however, it may help to alleviate some of the symptoms and lead to a quicker recovery. Isolation only makes depression worse; so mothers who interact with other new moms generally have an easier time recovering.

It Helps You Meet Other Women Who Share your Life Circumstances
Finding a Mom to Mom Support group helps you build friendships with other women who are at the very same place in life where you are. If you have a baby before your friends do, you may find that you just don't have as much in common with them after the birth. You might even realize that you long for the company of other women who are also experiencing motherhood. In a Mom to Mom Group, you can meet a variety of women and figure out whom you want to get to know better.

Finding a Group
There are several ways to find a local support group. Depending upon your community, one or more of the following might work for you.
1. Ask other mothers. When you meet another mom, find out if she is part of a group. If you're outgoing, you might even approach other moms in the park or library to begin a conversation.
2. Look at your local community calendar. Do you have a TV news station? How about a local parenting magazine? Usually these media outlets have calendars which list events in the community.
3. Find a La Leche League group. La Leche League is the largest international breastfeeding support program. If you are nursing, you'll receive a wealth of information, encouragement and support from La Leche League. This website will help you locate a local group.
4. Find a MOPS group. MOPS stands for Mothers of Preschoolers. This national organization has meetings for mothers of infants through pre-schoolers. You can click here to locate your nearest group.
5. Go to Meetup.com to see if there are any local meetup groups for moms in your area. Possible groups include Mommy Milk Meeup, New and Expectant Parents Meetup and Attachment Parenting Meetup. Most meetup groups have a message board moderated by the organizer where you can give and receive great advice.

If you find that you're having a tough time getting yourself motivated to get out the door with your baby, then that's a sure sign you REALLY need to do just that! So find a way to meet other moms, drop your baby into a sling, and off you go...remember, you're doing this for your own mental health! After all, doesn't your baby deserve the healthiest mom possible?

Let's Give Away Some Baby Legs!

I'm really enjoying blogging. I love to write. In fact, I'm working on getting my first book published: Breastfeeding: God's Amazing Design for Moms and Babies But that's another blog for another time!

We started the Conservative Granola Mommies Blog because that really seems to be our niche at A Nurturing Moment. We have a good assortment of slings and cloth diapers. We promote Attachment Parenting. Since I'm a lactation consultant, we obviously support, promote and encourage breastfeeding; in fact, we're always adding fun new accessories for breastfeeding moms. So we thought it would be fun to reach out into cyberspace and connect with other moms who are doing some of the same things. We're not fanatical or rabid; we just want to help all moms learn to trust the wonderful maternal instincts that God gave them!

Over the last couple of months, it's been exciting to see our webstore grow and to have new friends following our blog. So we decided to have a contest. Once we have 30 followers, we'll put everybody's name in a bowl and give away a pair of Bum Genius Baby Legs to one lucky winner.

Help us spread the word about Conservative Granola Mommies, and let's see if we can't give those Baby Legs away this weekend!

The ABC's of Babywearing

My first daughter was about 6 weeks old the first time I tried to wear her. That was over 20 years ago! I had a Graco frontpack and snuggled all 8 pounds of her into it. Her little head sort of wobbled over to the side, but she was so happy to be next to me. She was a very high need baby, so wearing her allowed me to get some housework done. Unfortunately, the frontpack really hurt my back, so I didn’t use it very much. When she was 6 months old we discovered Dr. Sears and the world of comfortable babywearing. I promptly bought a ring sling (sling EZ) from Parenting Concepts. It felt so good to be able to wear her without killing my back. It would not be an understatement to say that the sling revolutionized the way I parented. Eventually I actually began to sell the Sling EZ because everywhere I went people asked me about it.

Over the next 12 years I went through several slings as we traveled around the country and to Costa Rica and Peru. In airports, on busses, in restaurants, at tourist destinations…everywhere we went, my sling would go with me – I felt lost without it! Whether I had a baby or a toddler, the sling was an indispensable accessory.

Today’s mothers have a dizzying array of options when it comes to babywearing. The Babywearer.com is a great resource for moms who are new to babywearing. You can choose from a pouch sling like the Peanut Shell, a wrap sling like the Mei Tai, a ring sling like the Maya Wrap, a two shoulder pouch sling like the Baby K’Tan, and the list goes on and on. At A Nurturing Moment we have chosen to carry both pouch slings and two shoulder slings. We are looking at other options because our moms have asked for more variety. Nevertheless, our most popular sling is the Baby K’Tan. This incredibly versatile carrier can hold a newborn snugly and securely. It can even hold twins because the pouches are each so deep. But it can also securely support a 42 pound toddler! They even have a position in which your baby can be worn on your back in your Baby K’Tan.

When Should You Buy Your Sling?

You will want to begin wearing your baby in the first weeks of his life because it will make him feel secure, and he will get used to being worn. However, I have found that it is much easier to fit a mom with the proper sling after her baby has been born. Often we’ll have new parents come in with their 4 or 5 day old baby to get fit for a sling. That really is the ideal! You can see how your baby does in different carriers and figure out which is most comfortable for you. Will you want to nurse in your carrier? If so, you want to make sure you find a carrier that makes nursing easy and discreet.

Getting Used to Slinging Your Baby

Once you get home with your carrier, practice with it in front of a mirror until you are comfortable getting baby in and out. As soon as you get baby positioned in the sling, begin moving with him in a sort of ‘Mommy Dance” where you gently sway back and forth. Being in the sling where he can feel your heartbeat again may remind him of the comfort of the womb! However, some babies do fuss at first, so moving gently with your baby in the carrier will help calm him. Practice nursing in it at home so that when you’re out, you can nurse without giving it a second thought. Go to the manufacturer’s website and watch any videos they may have posted there. Remember, the more you use your carrier, the better you’ll get at it, and the more you’ll enjoy it. Happy Babywearing!!

You're the EXPERT!

When it comes to your child, YOU are the real expert. You know your child better than anybody else, so always trust your instincts. Unfortunately, this message is sometimes obscured by authors who offer a "formula" for parenting. I remember the first time I read the Preparation for Parenthood material by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo about 15 years ago. In that early edition they made the outrageous statement (one of many) that mothers don't have instincts like animals do. They told mothers not to be misguided into thinking their maternal instincts would guide them in their parenting. On the opposite side of this debate, Dr. William Sears (my hero), urges mothers to trust their gut instincts when it comes to their babies. He wisely recognizes that a mother really is the expert on her child.

So what difference does this make in your parenting style? If you really believe that you are the expert on your child, you will be willing to do whatever it takes to get the answers you think your child needs. If that means changing pediatricians, you will do it. If that means changing schools, you'll do it. If that means pulling your child out of school to homeschool, you'll even do that.

Parenting is not a "one size fits all" easy formula. Each child is unique, and nobody understands that better than a mother! My fourteen year old daughter had been increasingly miserable in her Christian school. I love her school and think it's wonderful. But her class just wasn't a good fit for her. As I looked at the major personality changes I was seeing because she was so unhappy, I knew that we had to make a change. Homeschooling is the right solution for her. If I tried to pull my 10 year old out of that same Christian school, however, he would be distraught. He absolutely loves everything about his school!

If you are just starting the parenting journey, or you're expecting your first baby, the most important advice I can give you is to trust yourself! If God chose you to be the mother of this precious child, He will give you the wisdom you need to understand the nuances of your baby's personality. Never let anyone convince you otherwise. Remember, YOU'RE THE EXPERT!

Life is full of "weanings"

We had a terrific group of moms at A Nurturing Moment today for our Mommy Milk Meet-up. One mom was a little concerned because her one year old seemed to be loosing interest in day time nursings. This mom really hoped to nurse for a couple of years before allowing her baby to self-wean. Of course, bedtime nursings are a different story! Baby is still eager for that before bed cuddle time with Mom!
Usually a baby won't self-wean this early as long as Mom is still offering nursing opportunities. But every baby is different! One mom in the group explained how her very strong-willed little girl just decided she didn't want to have anything to do with nursing right around her first birthday. Mom kept trying, but baby wanted no part of it! This was more than just a nursing strike...it was an emerging toddler eager to get on with the next stage of life, much to her mom's dismay!

If we can view the weaning process as a continuum that begins with breastfeeding and lasts for the next 18 years or so, it might help lend perspective. Weaning, in this paradigm, doesn't simply refer to the separation of the baby from the breast. That is merely the first weaning. Other weanings will occur throughout childhood. Parents who co-sleep will eventually wean their child from their bed. Those who send their children to school will wean their children from the nest that is home. As children grow and become involved in scouts, sports, music lessons, ballet, horseback riding, church youth group and a myriad of other activities, the weaning process will continue.
Weaning, in its simplest form, is simply the process of your child becoming less dependent upon you. As moms, our most important job is to raise our children to become self-sufficient, confident, well-balanced adults. I suspect that most readers of this blog would agree that attachment parenting is the best way to accomplish this goal. After all, research clearly demonstrates that children who are attachment-parented demonstrate greater independence and self-assured confidence as they grow older. They also tend to be more responsive to their parents' correction and discipline.

Last night at 11:30 I had the bittersweet privilege of taking my 17 year old son to school where he and his classmates boarded a bus headed for Jacksonville, Florida, and their senior trip - a cruise to the Bahamas. As I write this, I know the ship has sailed. Although he texted me to let me know they were about to board, I know I won't hear from him again until next Saturday. The same tears that sprang to the eyes of the mom who thought her baby might be weaning are hiding just behind my eyelids now. But my son has grown up to be a remarkable young man, the product of attachment parenting. All too soon I'll take him to Tuscaloosa and leave him there...the weaning will continue! Aftre all, that's why I became a mom - to work myself out of a job!

What is a Conservative Granola Mommy?

I first heard the word "crunchy" used to describe moms who practice attachment parenting when I was at a River City Slingers meeting. This amazing group of sling-wearing mamas was meeting in Decatur, AL, to encourage each other and share the latest in baby slings, cloth diapers, and other attachment parenting tools. That day I discovered that I was a crunchy mom. My oldest was 18 and in college before I realized there was a name for moms like me!

So just what is it that makes a mom crunchy? I think it is an overarching mindset of putting her baby's best interests ahead of herself during this season of life. Attachment parenting as described by noted pediatrician Dr. William Sears is focused on meeting your baby's needs in order to help him learn trust from the earliest moments of his life. When you immediately feed your hungry baby, or pick up your crying baby, or soothe your fussy baby, you are teaching him that his attempts at communication work. Typical crunchy mom behaviors may include extended breastfeeding (nursing past the first birthday), co-sleeping and/or parenting your baby to sleep, and baby wearing. Other crunchy behaviors may include making your own baby food, growing your own food or buying organically grown food, cloth diapering, choosing to selectively vaccinate (or not vaccinate), and home schooling. Not all crunchy moms do all of these things, but if your parenting includes two or three of the practices listed above, you can safely say you're crunchy!

The phrase "conservative granola" has been around for a couple of years. In 2007 a site by that name was established. Unfortunately, it appears that hasn't been much recent activity there. However, the phrase works well to describe mothers who practice attachment parenting principles based on a Biblical understanding of God's design for mothers and babies. A mother may be Protestant, Catholic, Jewish or espouse another religious view, but if she is parenting based on her God-given intuition, she is a Conservative Granola Mommy!

All parents are welcome here. I am unashamed in my Christian faith, and that will certainly be evident in some of my blogs. Nevertheless, any mother, regardless of her beliefs, who wants to learn more about parenting her baby intuitively will be able to glean some seeds of wisdom here. As the owner of A Nurturing Moment Maternity and Nursing Boutique, I would love to learn about any products that help you parent better. We welcome your comments and input and look forward to getting to know you!